Why Me?

A couple of months ago, I realized that the postcards I made for last Expo were almost gone and I hated the design... so I decided to redesign the cards and get some printed for Expo. I gave myself plenty of time, because the last design was a rush job. These cards are nothing special - but Expo has thousands of screenwriters, and my hits have been falling off lately. This would be a great way to get the word out that I have a free script tip every day, and maybe increase my website traffic.

Card designs were sent to a printer on the East Coast with good rates and nice samples. Cards were printed, and to be delivered by UPS ground. I should have had them within 5 days...

But when I checked the tracking page online the day after Columbus Day (about a week after they shipped) I discovered that UPS had made an attempt to deliver to my biz address on Columbus Day... and since it was closed, they sent the cards back to the sender that same day. No second attempt at delivery. No door tag. Nothing.

According to their tracking page, the cards arrived in LA on Monday (Columbus Day), they made one attempt to deliver, then by 9pm that same day (Columbus Day) they were on a truck to the sender.

So, I called UPS. Asked why they didn’t attempt a delivery on a non-holiday? Why they were shipped back the same day?

They said: We don’t deliver to Military Bases.

This confused me, because the nearest military base has got to be at least 40 miles away.

After a great deal of time convincing them that the address was not a military base, I asked - you know, even if it was a military base, why ship it back to the sender on the same day? Why not hold it for a couple of days and door tag it? Well, policy is to ship it back - to make sure the package is promptly delivered. I brought it to their attention that if the package had been delivered, I’d have it. They asked what I wanted them to do, and I said: Deliver the package that is addressed to me. This got me bumped up to a supervisor.

After giving her the tracking number, she tells me that package has been delivered... to the original shipper.

So, I said all of the same stuff. The supervisor admits that a mistake was made, someone ticked the Military Base box by mistake. (I wonder how often that box gets ticked when the driver is running behind and just wants to get rid of a package?) They said they will cover the costs of reshipping - the sender just needs to reship the package and then fill out some refund forms and....

I asked why the shipper should fill out any forms - they didn’t tick the wrong box. She tells me that the package has been delivered - completed - and that we need to start from scratch. I ask if they have a category called UNDELIVERED or MISDELIVERED? She says “No, only DELIVERED.” At this point, I’m probably becoming a jerk... but I’m holding my temper and remaining calm. I’m just trying to figure out how to solve this problem within the rules of their system. So I ask if the package can be retrieved for a second delivery attempt? She tells me someone will call me back within an hour.

Two hours later, I call them again. Go through all of this all over again with new people. And they say again “Someone will call you within an hour.”

Two hours later, my phone actually rings. It’s someone who is going to resolve my problem! I explain everything again... and they tell me they don’t deliver to military bases... and I have to convince them this isn’t a military base, and they say they will take care of it. Problem solved!

Not.

A week later, nothing has happened.

So I call, and go through all of the same stuff with new people again, who all tell me they don’t deliver to military bases, and eventually I get to a supervisor who tells me they have a note that it has been taken care of. I say that’s nice, but do they have a note that says where my package is? No. They have no info that it was ever retrieved and reshipped, or that the anything was done other that the person in charge saying that they have taken care of it. There is no “not taken care of” problems at UPS.

Nice, but I don’t have my package and I want it.

“Well, we don’t deliver to military bases.”

Okay, there was a moment where I almost went UPStal. Instead I remained calm and asked how I am supposed to get my stuff. They said - the printer will have to reship it and fill out a form for the refund...

Fine. I call the printer. I explain what happened. They try to track down the returned package - can not find it. Swell. But they will reprint the cards for free and reship them. UPS Ground. I should have them within 5 days of when they are printed.... and my big fear is that they will arrive on the Monday *after* Expo. I will have thousands of postcards and no one to give them to.

And I’m just waiting for them to get shipped back to the sender because UPS doesn’t ship to military bases....

- Bill

IMPORTANT UPDATE:
TODAY'S SCRIPT TIP: A new one about 30 DAYS OF NIGHT and Vampires.
Yesterday’s Dinner: Brocolli Beef @ CityWok.